you let life get in the way

As I drove home tonight, I was listening to Brand New's song Am I Wrong?, and I felt a connection.

i can't stay in this place
i can't stand when the room turns round on my fate
you give no guarantees
there's no promise i can keep

i can't stand
i can't see my way
i feel blind on my feet
i can't stay too long
am i wrong?

goodbye, lay the blame on luck
you let life get in your way

The week after I got laid off, I found out I would also to soon be released from my church calling and that Dave was dating someone seriously, someone I knew and someone seven years younger than him. That shouldn't have mattered, but it made me want to yell at her to leave the older guys to the rest of us. At that same time it was also evident that I'd forever lost someone else who'd been my close friend and someone who'd always needed me.

This all came together in my mind while I was reading A Weekend to Change Your Life, and according to the book four or more losses or changes at once means it's time for an alone retreat to wander and regain equilibrium and mourn. At that time I really, really needed time alone to process what I'd lost and to strengthen myself for what I now needed to do. I never did it. I moved on and life got busy again and I just smoothed over the unresolved lumps. But tonight I found out that Dave's engaged and my emotions are resurfacing. I hate this. I don't want to go through this anymore. So I'm retreating. Maybe Wednesday? Ha ha! I better check my calendar. Tomorrow's already full. I think that this should be a good reminder for all of us to take regular retreats—walks through old neighborhoods with inspiring architecture, quiet moments alone with your thoughts and a journal, time to understand who we are now because of what we've experienced. This week I'm challenging myself to find that ideal getaway spot. I'm challenging you too! And I expect some good stories back.